Fan Girl

There was a guy I hooked up with a few times, who over time is only becoming more and more irresistible to me. I deliberately backed away from him, because I didn’t want to be too invested and he said he wanted to take a break from the sex, but I can’t help but still want him.

And it’s not just wanting sex, because I could get sex from anyone. It’s wanting him. This guy in particular. So much so that I tear up thinking about it.

There was a time where I wanted to blow him so bad that I just started crying. What the fuck even is that? It’s like every molecule of me wants to interact with his.

I’m not just attracted to the stereotypical parts either. I mean I think every single inch of his body is attractive. If I somehow ended up of a picture of his left ear, or… his toe or something… I would still find it to be a turn-on, because every part of him sexually charges me.

I miss him a lot and I miss something we hadn’t even had yet. I love him at every size and every haircut, and it’s like no matter what he looks like I would find him attractive.

I almost masturbated to a picture of his face. Just his face. Which, first of all I don’t masturbate to pictures at all, but the fact that I was just focused on his face. I get hypnotized by it, I can’t even describe what it is.

But we don’t talk much. We’re friendly, but I’m not going out of my way to check up on him and I’m really scared of losing him forever so I decided to basically never reach out. In my mind I think I would do anything to see him happy and if he’s happier in life without me, then I’ll take that too. I mean this. I am simply happy that he exists as a person and his happiness is enough for me.

I used to get turned on by thinking of him fucking other people, until I got sad because I miss him and now.

I just don’t think I’ll ever really speak to him again, and I’ve never been so attracted to anyone in my life. My description isn’t even doing him justice. He’s the sexiest person I’ve ever met.