Okay, now I get it.
I don’t want him to be happy.
I don’t wanna-
I hate the word even.
Happiness is such a fleeting, stupid, stupid fucking thing to chase after… it’s so annoying.
No, I don’t want him to be happy.
Nope, I’ve decided against that.
I want him to be fucking miserable and suicidal without me.
I want him to want to die.
I want him to feel like that existence is nothing but torture and pain and that everyday that he is awake is another smear on the cosmic world that is what we have.
I want him to hate living so bad that he wants to cut off his own dick.
I want him to hate living so bad that he would rather eat a bowl full of broccoli, covered in salt, drowned in vegan butter… than this.
I hope he’s miserable.
I want nothing to do with him and I want everything to do with him.
I want to stab him in the throat and I also want to hug him.
It’s like I wanna take a knife to his chest and just open it up, that’s how closed off he is.
He needs, like, some sort of lobotomy or something…
surgery… or one thing or another.
And I can say that I need that too!
Whatever!
Who cares!
He says he’s happy?
I don’t fucking believe him!
I hate the word happy;
If he says he’s happy one more time,
I’m going to take that as,
“Blaise, please get me this woman is making me miserable,”
And I will go to wherever he is-
And I will find him-
And I will put him in the trunk of my car.
Because I can’t deal with this.
Why is existence even like this at all?
I don’t get it.
Why do I have to chase after these men like this?
I. love. him.
And I hate even saying the word “love” at this point
Because I don’t know what it is.
Like, I literally…
Don’t know what it is.
And I am at this point.
NOW.
Where I will take something
And fucking fuck something
UP.
And something will
HURT
And it will
BLEED
And it will
CRY
And it will
DIE
And shrivel in my hands
And then I will eat its parts until it is no longer a physical manifestation of this existence.
Do you get what I’m saying, bro?
I think Jasmine’s turning to a Savage,
It sounds like this bitch wants to
eat.
the.
baby.
[Meta]