“What kind of Physics are you studying? Are you studying now that school is out? You better be! How did you start auditing classes? Nice to meet you, I’m Jasmine.”
“Hello Jasmine. Wow ur studying Mathematical Physics, that’s soo cool. Are you a grad student at Princeton? I am interested in gravitational physics. Well I wont be able to to attend virtual classes cause I am NOT an official student. So I have to figure out something soon.”
“I’m a grad student at UW, but I just moved to Princeton yesterday. I want to attend classes here just like you, but with the spring semester being virtual, I just decided to continue studying on my own, but right now I need to study Physics and it seems you and I both want to be in the Physics PhD program (I’m in a Math program now, that has a weak math/physics department). I’ve been looking for someone to study with for some time now, but I must admit I’m hardcore when it comes to this stuff, as I have aspirations to win a Nobel Prize.”
“Well, I am pretty confident that I can get one before you do. I travelled all the way from Texas to NJ solely because Princeton University had the Auditing program. For the last 2 years I had been sneaking into classes and listening to lectures, most of the Professors think I am an actual student cause they have seen attend all their classes without missing any. Yeah, we both have one goal as of now, study for GRE physics and get into PhD program..”
“May I ask you where you live? Would you like to meet at the campus now?How about this?, give me a puzzle to solve, and if I solve it soon then you will know that I am an intellectual and you should feel safe to meet.”
>”The fact that you even requested a puzzle is enough for me.”
“I’m at Fine Hall.”
“How did u get in?”
“I walked up to the door, said to myself ‘someone will be here soon’ and then waited. 5 minutes later, a student came and I walked in with him.”
“Haha, I cant believe u r as crazy as I am…. See you in 30mins.”
The guy who opened the door for me, coincidentally, is named Dor. He is a probability grad student at Princeton. The guy who I met in Fine Hall… well let’s just say our relationship didn’t work out so well.
See alongside this desire to be great, is the desire to express myself in every dimension of my existence, and that includes sexuality. So when I met this guy, I wanted to study with him, but of course he wanted something else.
I meet this guy online within a day of moving to Princeton who also came to Princeton to study physics and was seemingly interesting. The first night he said, “You seem pretty smart, not Princeton smart, but…” I should have took that as a red flag. Listen here: any man who insults or belittles my intelligence is threatened by it. I don’t care what they tell you, I’ve talked to enough insecure men to see the pattern. Eventually he revealed himself to be my intellectual inferior, as I would literally see him go crossed-eyed anytime I talked about Gauge theory or even something as simply as the homotopy group for S1. That’s not to say he wasn’t trying, yeah he tried me a couple of times.
Over time he started getting pushy, and I obliged, but eventually saw that he wasn’t serious about physics and I don’t do well with milquetoast, I’m lactose and gluten intolerant. I blocked him on and off when he pissed me off, until the day I wanted to buy his keyboard from him to write my mixtape. We fucked once, okay? I regret it, he asked me again months later and when I said no, he started to see more of what I was about.
I had been so obsessed with fluid dynamics that all I attracted were thirsty or wishy-washy men. Let’s just say I wasn’t so Stoked about it.
We’ll revisit this relationship more later.
Mental State: high carb diet, adderall dose