Maybe this time…

OverHeated by Billie Eilish

Hey, I’m back. Again. *eyeroll*

Instability is such a torturous mental state to be in. I can’t figure out whether I’m good or bad, right or wrong, up or down most of the time. I can’t figure out which school I want to attend, if I even want to go back to school, or if it’s even worth it. Even worse, now I’m depressed.

But now I can see that I’m depressed. Do you know how long it took for me to see that I’m depressed? No, not the run-of-the-mill, I want to 41% myself. That’s not depression, that’s anxiety. But that feeling of my brain is not working to its fullest capacity, and I can’t for the life of me take this mental energy and convert it to something kinetic. Unless of course mental energy already is kinetic. Who am I to know…?

Oh, right, I’m supposed to the “physicist.” Guys, I made a typo when I said physicist. I meant to say physician. I somehow got the words confused but it’s too late now. I can’t rebrand. I deliberately chose this monkier so that I would stop rebranding, and I got Jas the Physicist to stick. Have you seen my YouTube channel? I tried to turn that to Jas the Physical Therapist. That didn’t stick either. It’s a portmonteau, physicist, and a double entendre and all around a flat out lie. I’m not a physicist. I’m an applied mathematician. But maybe I’m not any of these things, I’m probably just OverHeated.

There is something poetic about autoimmunity. I keep talking about it like a spaz, probably because my lizard brain is pursuing this phd track like it’s eggs. Wait, what? Eggs. We’ll get back to those.

So I’m back. Again. I said I didn’t want to be a rapper, so stop comparing me to him. I had a dream… that I had sex with Kendrick Lamar. Jesus, I must be losing it.

Either way, enjoy the song.

Published by Jas, the Physicist

My current interest is flows: flowing on a beat, flowing along a manifold, flows on the electromagnetic spectrum, flow curves, flows of a vector field, the flow of time, time as currency, the flow of electrons: currency, like electric currents, electric daisies, current interest rates, current events, swimming against the current, fluid flow, flux and divergence... you know... flowers.